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Many of the deep-rooted human conflicts that seize our attention today are not ready for formal mediation and negotiation. People do not negotiate about identity, fear, historic grievance and injustice. Sustained dialogue provides a space where citizens outside government can change their conflictual relationships. Governments can negotiate binding agreements and enforce and implement them, but only citizens can change human relationships. Governments have long had their tools of diplomacy mediation, negotiation, force, and allocation of resources. This work provides citizens outside government with their own instrument for transforming conflict. The author outlines a systematic approach for citizens to use in reducing racial, ethnic and other deep-rooted tensions in their countries, communities and organizations.